My Attempt at Real Life …

I am back to work today. I’ve had the past week off. I needed it. As it currently stands, I’m unsure of how well I am going to hold myself together today. I haven’t been sleeping. I’m worried about my mom and the rest of my family. Who can blame me?

Last year I never would have expected to be 2 family member less now.

Last year this time, I was planning my trip to Osoyoos. We stopped off and had a visit with my family. I showed everyone the scrapbook that I made for lll KiRa lll. Derek was still living with my parents. They were all in one house.

Now my mom lives with my little brother and his family. By the end of the month, she should be moving back east to stay with my aunt. It’s not good for her here anymore. In May 2008, my mom had a heart attack. She damaged 17% of her heart permanently. She’s been trying her best to take care of herself but she gets stressed out way too easily. My family is slightly crazy. I love them. I love them so much…but they are crazy. What family isn’t a tad bit nutters anyways? 😉

I’ve been trying to distract myself. Absorbing all my energy in packing my house for our upcoming move. September 15th I am moving into a new house. On the 1st I am going to start painting it. I can’t wait to pick the template for my walls. Who knows, if I’m feeling very creative I might paint some clouds or something… meh… maybe not. I like light grey or beige. It’s neutral. The walls in the bedroom, which is also my gaming room, are blue. Bright shiny blue! Gross. I can’t sleep or play games in a room that is blue. In our new house, lll KiRa lll will get his own man-den. He will have his drums and other musical instruments there, a 46 inch TV with the PS3 and all his computer stuff. Sounds fantastic! I get to do whatever I want to my gaming room too. I will have my own 46 inch TV with my lovely little XBOX 360. I don’t use a desktop, just my netbook… so that’s small and will fit anywhere. I need to get some fancy Gothic shelving units for my games. Then I will be set. I will probably put up loads of posters too. I haven’t done that in years. I have so many that I picked up in university and they’ve been in storage. Hmmm… the possibilities! I like running away to my bedroom. It’s my sanctuary. I can close the door and be absorbed for hours in my own little space. I enjoy it. I haven’t found anything else that compares.

A couple days ago, I watched a movie called “She’s Out of Your League”. I usually don’t like the commercialized films with no action whatsoever. This movie was hilarious! I loved it. I may have needed a good laugh, but it kept me engaged and I really enjoyed watching it. lll KiRa lll thought it was rather amusing too. Unless he was just putting on a show for me 😉 I needed to laugh. I asked him what he would “rate” me. On a scale of 1-10. Just cause I wanted to know what he thought. If I were going to “rate” myself, I’d probably say an 8. His response was 10 million. Awe… isn’t he sweet! :$ … and a bit of a liar, but that’s okay. So that’s another movie crossed off my list for 101 Things in 1001 Days

Yesterday, I was on Rockband.com in the forums and I saw that someone had linked their DLC to a page that actually shows other players what songs you have in your collection. My page can be found at dlcquickplay.com After selecting all the DLC that I own, and the expansions, I have a whooping 542 songs. Sweet. That doesn’t include the 84 songs that come with the Rockband 2 game. I have over 600 songs total. Which is pretty fantastic!

………………………………………………………………………………….

By the end of my first day back, I had melted. I completely crashed. I spent a fair amount of time crying. It was really hard to be happy for so long and try to answer questions from my co-workers about what happened to my brother. I am not ready to go back to work yet, so I am taking another week off. I need to say goodbye and feel better again by Monday. I know I will feel better and let him go, but it’s just so hard.

Sigh…

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3 responses to “My Attempt at Real Life …

  1. Danielle Bouchard

    I feel for u,u are a strong young lady that has lost so much,but u need to stay strong and keep ur strength and crying is a great way to release alot of pain but at the same time u need to eat and rest. I am here for u anytime day or night if u just need to talk.

    Love u

    Aunt Danielle

  2. Hugs babe. My family and yours are one of a kind, and it’s best we keep it that way 😉
    Sorry for the jokes; it’s just the reaction of someone who wishes desperately to be there for you. If I could be there I’d take the week off too. We’d get in my car with my video camera and drive to all of the places we’ve been with him and tell stories about him all week long. We’d keep it up until there was nothing left but love…..
    Hugs. Miss you.

  3. Sending lots and lots of love ❤

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