A Year Has Passed
I was afraid of yesterday. I didn’t know what to expect. I knew December 13th was due to come and I knew I would have to face the anniversary of my Dad’s death.
I remember every moment of the day. Every phone call. Everywhere I stood, sat, and finally fell to the floor sobbing. The drive to Chilliwack and the snowy roads. The phone calls I had to make and the complete veil of uncertainty and strength I knew I had to face. I remember parking the car, stepping over snow and ice and walking into the hospital.
Looking for my family members. Knowing that he died already. The hospital was waiting for me to get there to say goodbye. They needed to send his body away. There was nothing more they could do.
It was 12 days before Christmas.
That’s what happened. My mom and sister were at his bedside and he was already gone. My little brother was storming the halls and my other brothers were just sitting quietly. Processing what just happened. I had to to think of what to do next. I had to stay strong for my family. Or at least that’s what I felt I had to do.
It’s in my characteristic to make sure that everyone else is okay before letting myself feel what’s really going on. If I fell apart I wouldn’t find the logic to help me through. I focus on reason, and it’s virtually impossible when thrown into an emotionally driven situation.
I’ve had bad days in the past, and I’ve had bad days since my Dad died. Nothing compared to this. Nothing could have prepared me or comforted me. I just had to go through it.
My Dad was 50 years old and he died from cardiac arrest. My little brother was with him. At the same moment that my dad was dying my two older brothers slid off the road and drove into a ditch. They were okay.
In the past year, since my Dad’s death, I’ve also had to deal with the death of my eldest brother. Hypothermia in August. My 2nd eldest brother was with him. He tried everything to save him, but couldn’t. A few months before Derek’s death, I lost an old friend from highschool (Jess). She committed suicide. And finally,within the past few months I’ve found out that my baby brother (who is 22) has cancer. He was in denial for a month. Or he was processing it. Either way, it took him a while to admit what was happening and start treatment. He has been going through chemo for the past 2 weeks. He is so strong and I fully support him and love him more than he knows.
So… this year has had it’s fair share of crap. I’ve had enough and I am not going to let anything else happen. To the best of my ability of course!
Everything that I’ve been through has made me stronger. I’ve grown from each experience and I’ve come to realize things about life that makes sense to me. There is a reason I smile at strangers and created a blog challenge that focuses on helping people in the community. It’s not just a challenge for me. It’s a way of life. Whenever I buy a coffee or go into the grocery store and I see someone who could use a cup of coffee or a hot meal, I never hesitate to get it for them. All the money and stuff in the world means nothing. It’s only good for here and now and it’s selfish. Unless you can use it to better the lives of other people. That’s my mission. That’s why I think everyone is here. To work together and help the people who need it.
I don’t mean going to Red Cross and donating a lump sum of money. Although I’m sure that’s fantastic and everyone should do whatever they can. But, I mean go to your local food bank and sort through their packages of food. Offer your time to help a charity. Time is valuable. People need it and sometimes you have excess so get out there and give it away.
We only take with us AND leave behind what we put in the universe. Our actions matter. Our words matter. Our thoughts matter.